Monday, November 24, 2014

Life, and Other Messy Things (Part 5)

In which we arrive at part 5, the end of my home schooling negativity. I'm sorry that I pretty much made out that home schooling ruined my life, because it didn't. The people just had a negative impact, but I think that if I hadn't gone through it, I wouldn't be who I am today by a long shot.

I felt very much at peace with deciding to go to a public high school. I thought that I was finally working out who I was, and once I had decided on it, I wasn't going to change, those in my year group would have to reshuffle around me.

My summer before I went to school was good. I spent a week on a remote, island farm (which is in my Aunts family), where I didn't have access to wifi, I spent the whole week with my sister, cousins and other extended family. We swum, watched movies, mucked around. I wrote, my eldest cousin drew, the younger read, as did my (beautiful, she insists,) sister. We spent hours with our headphones in at the  table, lost in our own worlds.

I loved every moment. I missed Hunter and my own bed and my friends, but it was just an amazing time. I had so much thinking time, I came back badly sun burnt, but happy. I had a taste of independence, writing what was on my mind and isolation from most of the world.

I hung out with Horse Frenzy, and enjoyed the rest of my summer, went shopping for school stationary, bought a uniform, changed my room up and did more writing.  Labelled my books for school, put them in my bag.

My first day wasn't scary, I chose a seat on the bus, got off the bus, went through the Maori greeting, went to my first form time, got my timetable, had my first interval.  My first class was English. I meet a girl who lives on my road at the door, she introduced herself on the grounds of me being new, then we found out will lived in the same area, then went 'oh, you're...' because we had meet once, 2 years ago at a street BBQ.

She invited me to sit with her, and I had made my first friend. She was also in my business class. We sat together in Business and English all this year. My next class was drama. I meet the guy who I guess is my school best friend (Horse Frenzy is my best friend). Him and another girl (who I went to primary with for a short time) became my friends in drama over a few weeks.

Geography was my 'alone' subject, because people took it with their friends. Eventually, I became friendly enough with one of the girls behind me in Business to sit with her. In Math, an exchange student sat down next to me, and over her time in NZ, we became friendly enough that we hung out for a few lunch times.

Science, my favourite subject, caused me the worse problems. I am not a naughty kid, but I like to sit by the door, or at the back of the room where I can see everyone. I took my seat in Science at the back of the classroom, and the 'popular' girls tried to evict me. I politely told them where to go (I promise, it was polite, with a tiny edge of sarcasm and 'don't mess with me even if I am the new girl').

After a while, another new girl fell in with their crowd, and took my seat before I could get to it. I started sitting at the end of a row, with a gap between me and the next person. Before long, the teacher put a seating plan in place, and I was moved back to the back of the class, in a row with two girls from drama, and another girl I kind of knew from around.

So I settled into public school but didn't hang out with people in my year for 2 terms. In class, they were friendly, talked to me and asked me questions. As soon as the bell went, they all went off with their friends. The boy from drama eventually asked me to hang out with his group, after I kept saying bye to him when we got to the door of what is known as the English Room.

I was confident, I suppose, that I could make friends, but in reality, I was scared of repeating what happened with the home schoolers. Over the summer, I had come to realize that my actions were quite often wrong, and in some cases, I had driven people from my life. I am bad with people anyway, I seem to be good at somehow upsetting them, and I cannot do small talk.

I hate being out of control of a situation, which the English Room would mean. I hate eating in front of people. I can't do small talk. I had a million reasons not to step over that door jam.

But you know what? I did.

Get up,
Dress up, 
Show up, 
Don't give up. 


  1. It sounds like you have an awesome ending to your story—congrats on finding a style that worked well for you, and good job prioritizing and discovering what was most important to you. I've loved this series, just because sometimes I don't think we get to see "the real blogger" when we look at what we read, but now I feel like I know you much better. I'm grateful for that.

    *applause for good story*

    1. Thank you! I feel much happier now that its all in the open where anyone can see it.

      I hope that you can see the real blogger now! :)

  2. Like love how I got the bold BEST friend ;) thank you bestie, that made my day and made me laugh xD

    1. That's 'cause you are my BEST best friend :))

    2. Aww your my bestest best friend :)))

    3. You're my best best best best bestest friend :)))

  3. Well, I think it's great that you enjoy it. :) A thing I had to learn, and am still learning, about people is they aren't that much different from you, or me. And just because we think they won't like us, or something like that, well it really has no grounds in the real world. Or at least not much. ;) But it's hard for us intros.

    1. So true!
      I'm still learning that I can be friends with someone who is completely different from me, and when it comes down to it, they have the same basic needs because we are all human.

  4. *claps* this whole series was really eye-opening and really awesome :)