Saturday, December 12, 2015

Thinking Out Loud

Hello my friends!

Everything is colliding at the moment, friends, family, writing, reading, hockey, summer, life. I haven't posted for over a month, mainly because I've been doing things but I haven't had anything to say. I've thrown myself back into a panic of writing. I'm reading books in one sitting. I'm doing all or nothing.

I walked across that big stage at Senior Honours, I did very well in Statistics, Calculus, English and Biology this year. I stood on it in my heels thinking I'm going to be something as I took my Performing Arts Captain badge. I did my Peer Support training, and got another badge.

I finished exams, I breathed my subjects, hardly thought about anything else. I went to and organised study groups. We ate lunch out and felt like adults because we're about to be the oldest students at school. Life is waiting for us.

After my last exam I melted. My mum graduated, I wore heels again and we went out for dinner and I kept thinking about how one day it might be me and instead of the freedom I wanted to feel, I felt trapped because university will be so new.

My friends, mentioned here, had their birthday and we ate good food and there was good people. Again the trapped feeling, because part of the reason I can't wait to leave school is because I want to meet new people, exciting people from all walks of life. But at the same time my friends have become a type of security. At high school I've found acceptance I never found when I was homeschooled, and I like it.

I wanted to hide in my room during the holidays but it's turning into a flow of people through our house, or me at someone else's house. I find myself up at 2am reading like there's no tomorrow. I put the Christmas tree up with my sister and felt the dread in my stomach because we want our Christmas to be perfect, but it never is, it never will be.

And there's the little things that I've kept waiting, and the longer I leave them the more the feeling of panic wells up when I think about them. Life feels like a bar of soap and I'm hardly keeping hold on it. I'm going to have my birthday in a few weeks and all I can muster up is a sarcastic yay.

On The Blog: On Opal Swirls, things are going to start picking up again. I'm organising some guest posts at the moment, so if you would like to guest post, or swap posts, give me a yell and we can sort something out. I'm also trying to sort out what kind of posts I want to do often. So, a poll!

What kind of posts do you like?

About books (reviews/thoughts)
About writing (mine/tips and tricks)
About life (stories/things I learn)
Guest posts
Link ups
Blog Tags
Please Specify:
Poll Maker

Have you been up to? Has life be colliding for you as well? What have you been reading? What's the Christmas rush like where you live? Catch me up with what's going on! 
Opal has been reading the Throne of Glass series. SOMEONE PLEASE FANGIRL WITH HER. Or, at least just talk about it. Opal's family isn't interested, and she's dying to talk!


  1. YAY, OPAL, YOU'RE BACK! CONGRATS ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING...YOU TOTALLY DESERVE IT! (Remember when we were chatting about school and stuff????? WOW.) Also, isn't your birthday coming up???

    1. THANK YOU SO MUCH RACHEL!!! Yes, we used to have the best talks ever :) Sure is! :)

  2. Congratulations on graduation. I'm guessing you are going onto year 13 next year? You are so brave for wearing heels. I have had to wear those things for a couple of events, and I hate them. They make me to tall. I'm so glad you have found yourself and good friends through school. Homeschooling did have it's down sides with the group, trust me, I understand.

    Exited for you to be back! Like you I am planning out cool stuff for my blog. I can't wait to get back into blogging. I've spent most of the holidays hermiting away and reading, (other wise known as avoiding human contact.) Looking forward to seeing some of your new posts!!! :)

    1. Sure am! Haha I don't mind heels, I like that they make everything seem a bit more special and adult :) I suppose that it will stop feeling like that after a while- as a student leader I'll be wearing them a lot more often :)

      Thank you! We need to catch up I haven't seen you in ages :) ME TOO. SO MANY GOOD BOOKS.

  3. Congratulations on finishing exams + being awesome with other school things + enjoying life with your friends! I hope you feel better soon ... but an early happy birthday regardless! Looking forward to seeing you back in the blogosphere.

    1. Thank you! :) Looking forward to catching up with all your bloggy things :)

  4. Congrats to you and your mom, and I hope that university treats you well! Do you know when you start? I'm glad that high school treated you well and brought you more friends, and I hope you might tell us about new friends you make in the next year or so? Anyway. NICE JOB. ALL THE HIGH FIVES. And welcome back! I look forward to reading more of your posts soon. :D

    1. Still another year of school left, but after that I will be joining my mum (who's just started her PhD) :) I hope to make some more new friends though! THANK YOU :) Can't wait to catch up with al your blog posts!

  5. yayyy on finishing exams :) Can't wait to read more posts in the future!

    1. *joins in yay!* Can't wait to write them and read yours :)

  6. Okay so I'm just going to say that it's funny to read about summer and putting up Christmas trees in the same post... I know, I'm a small-minded American. And when it tells me I'm reading a post written ten hours ago tomorrow-- what can I say? I'm easily amused.

    Anyway, I'll echo the whole 'congrats on getting things done', and sympathize with your unenthusiastic 'yay.' Such is life. It sucks sometimes, when it really shouldn't. When it hasn't got any right to. Inexplicable discontent, though the phrase sounds like I'm diagnosing the life. Maybe it's explicable, I don't know. I do know that God will see us all through to the end though, so there's to a less-unenthusiastic 'yay.'

    Welcome back to the blogosphere.

    [And you are aware that your blog post title is an Ed Sheeran song, right?]

    1. It amuses me too- when you guys writer your blog posts, I've already lived through that time and I'm going back in time. And Christmas in winter???? What is that??? :')

      Thank you, Constance, so true :)

      Yes! I thought that everyone would be like 'heeeeeey, Ed Sheeran' but you're the first :)

  7. This. Was. Beautiful. I'm so happy you did well with all your exams and stuff. :) But I totally understand how difficult it is to have so much going on. I know I didn't quite know what to do with myself when I graduated high school, and I haven't attended any universities yet even though I have been accepted to one because I don't like feeling trapped.

    I hope your Christmas goes well. But yeah, Christmas is never perfect and I think there's always been something to taint my Christmases for me. Like, I love them, but still.

    But yeah, life has been colliding a little with me too, and I'm a lot busier this December than I thought I would be.

    Happy Birthday!!!