Monday, April 6, 2015

Snippets: When I am Weak

'One day I will find the right words, and they will be simple.' - Jack Kerouac

In my 'Writing Stages' post a few days ago, I admitted I was pretty much frustrated and unable to write. Today, my fingers suddenly flew again! It is beautiful, I have to say. It is a long time since I've sat down to write and have actually written.  I wonder if Henry David Thoreau was right: How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live. And live recently, I have.

In celebration of exhausting my metal capacity, I thought I might share some of today's writing with you. When I am Weak is turning out to be quite intense in some places, and I'm scaring myself a bit.


I should have taken the painkillers, just to see what would happen. Deep breaths, I remind myself, standing up again. 
Scotch Whiskey labels the bottle in cursive writing. 
I go back to my bedroom, slowly as I came, moving one leg at a time up the stairs. 
My first night back home, I drink myself into a stupor.


‘I’m sad. I’m sad, okay?’ I yell. ‘I was drunk but I can’t forget him. I just want to forget his name. Just his name would be enough.’ I’m not sure which him I’m trying to forget, Kit, Josh, Tim. Maybe all of them. 
Mum pulls herself together, and makes me take the pain killers, dulling the pain in my ribs and head. It doesn’t work on my heart. 
‘I sleep.’ I promise. ‘I’ll try to sleep the sad away.’ I close my eyes and pretend I can’t hear my mother crying again while my dad pulls the sheets and blankets over me.


‘Jessy,’ He messes my hair up, eyes dull. ‘I hope Tim tells you everyday how beautiful you are inside and out.’ 
I feel the burn of my own tears, and manage to say ‘he does.’ 


My feet don't even touch the floor when I sit on the edge of the bed for the first time. The doctor is talking, but all I can think about is how small I seem, how insignificant I feel, on this tiny piece of bed, in a huge huge world.  
He is looking at me, waiting for a reply. 
‘What.' I try not to sound annoyed. He sighs, and I guess he has asked twice already. ‘Sorry?' I try again. 
'I said, I think you will be home in a week.' 
'Home.' I say duly. 'I don’t want to go home.' 
'Jess,' the doctor leans in. 'Is there something wrong at home?' 


‘Last year.’ He begins. ‘Last year I was hospitalised. Do you think,’ he says ‘that there is anything beautiful about sitting on the bathroom floor at 3am and fighting to survive? Then, when you lose, you can’t even carry through with what the loser has to do?’


You like? Yes? No? How is Camp NaNoWriMo going for you?
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Opal laughs in the face of writers block: mwahahahaaha!

26 comments:

  1. Oh. My. GOD......I think I just died and went to snippet heaven♡

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    1. Wow, really haha? Thank you so much!! <3

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  2. I want to read the whole thing now, this was just incredible. :O

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  3. Ooh, very intriguing. I have to admit I'm not quite sure what the plot is, but hey, snippets are for emotion and prose. (And there is emotion. Oh, how there is emotion.) Glad to hear that you've defeated writer's block -- power on!

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    1. Haha I'm not even sure of the plot xD

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  4. D: Wow, such powerful snippets. It sounds like you are having a crazy time of living and of everything else!

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  5. LOVE it!!! Your book sounds so interesting.

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  6. . . . I want to read. I want to know what this is about. Come to me when you're ready for feedback.

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  7. I love these snippets! I think scaring yourself is good. Scaring your readers(and I use that term loosely) is even better. The emotion in just these little snippets of writing is really powerful. Keep writing! Keep sharing!

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    1. Thanks :) I think so to, on reflection- but not to the point of putting the writing down xD

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  8. Please keep posting more of these snippets! I love learning about different narrative styles by reading other's works, and honestly, I love yours. :)

    xoxo Morning
    http://theworldthroughmywindowsill.blogspot.com/

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  9. OH MY GOSH so good!!! I adore your writing style, hope to see more soon!!!!

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  10. I ate this post and now hunger for more. O_O

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    1. Haha I guess it tasted good then :)

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  11. OH MY GOODNESS. YOU ARE. AWESOME. No I didn't like this post. I LOVEEEDDDD IT.

    ~Noor
    www.alittlebitofsunshineblog.com

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  12. Oh my goodness this was beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing! And now I want to read your entire work in progress and drool on it and fangirl and... *composes self* In answer to your question, yes, I did like your post.

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